I must confess, my active presence on social media has made me learn how people think and react on a certain topic. The real difference between real and virtual connections is quite deep and shows the true reflection on the society we are living in. The real people you know might not say the same thing due to personal reasons but the virtual world is beyond these limitations. One way where anonymity makes you fearless is to troll anyone on the other side contemplates the true perspective and acceptance as a human being.
Personally, I know a lot of people in real life. The only side effect of being an ultra-extrovert is when you connect easily with anyone irrespective of age and strata. And what I’ve closely observed is that it doesn’t take much time for someone to open up and sharing some close conversation. People are always in awe of a good listener. I always have the patience to hear them out. I’m all ears as I say. It’s not that I like absorbing people at some level but I think lending your ears to someone for no personal agenda is the best thing one can do. And this comes with the promised feature (by default) where you aren’t supposed to leak any information and the trust the other person had shown at one point of time. Never be an opportunist for any reason. In short, here lies your dignity and sincerity!
Last week, it was just a random talk with someone I know. Not a friend but known one. She had a story to tell and seemed confused. She began telling the story of how she had helped someone come out of depression by lending her ears. The friend slipped into some accidental relationship which made her/him guilty. Fear of judgement took over. Whom to say and what to do situation. When there is no dearth of friends and society passing judgements. Reaching out to a therapist is still taboo and far-fetched for many. I don’t think this has actually reached to middle and lower class to help out themselves. Even everyone knows how depression is seeping into our lives.
Finally, that person had opened up to her. Had accepted mistakes and was ready to learn. The fear of judgement and guilt was reduced. Felt better. The person who heard all this story didn’t do much. She isn’t an expert or having a degree in human psychology. Just a normal human being like most of us. Heard patiently and had told that person that sometimes, one should be forgiven for their mistakes. Move on. Nothing stops in life.
This made me think about the dark secrets we keep in our lives that push us to be more vulnerable. Certainly, we don’t know if this mistake of ours is worth sharing with someone or we have to live our life by feeling guilty again and again. Things might happen accidentally or knowingly. That’s another case study to work on.
I always see others perspectives when I try to decode certain facts of life. So, I had thrown this question on my social media handles on Facebook and Twitter.
“Do you have friends where you can share your dark secrets and still feel safe? And do you think it’s important to have one or not?
The concern is how difficult is to hear someone without making them guilty? Everyone makes mistakes.
I’ve received multiple replies from all sorts of people. I make sure that I see every gender role when I want to conclude (to some extent) how things are being perceived in society. It shouldn’t be a one-sided war where you use blinders to avoid contradictory answers. I was dead sure that everyone would like to have someone where they have an option to speak their heart out without any fear and judgements. Yes, people do exist and they do help by keeping their secrets to themselves with the best of loyalty and respect. And how they are unknowingly helping many before they fall deep into the darkness they had ever imagined.
The only constant fear is what if the person leaks out your privacy and make you guilty in front of others? What if you feel comfortable sharing your sorrow with someone anonymous on the social media periphery? And what is the guarantee that the other person won’t take any advantage of your shared dark secrets?
All these questions are pertinent and very much exist in everyone’s mind. We should also accept that not everyone seeks a therapist to help them out. Because most of us believe that we can manage well. While it fails miserably sometimes. Out of control and no solution in sight.
Another fear which comes with the opening up is acceptance. Are we compassionate enough to forget the past and accept the person? What if the roles are reversed and you’re the one who would be asking for forgiveness? Things aren’t easy when you look from someone else’s perspective. You really need to have patience and be a good listener. Not everyone needs advice so basically, it’s more of opening up your heart to the core where you accept you had made mistake and you want to move on guilt-free.
But is it easy to find such people? I don’t know how practical is this question but I see that there are people whom you can trust blindly. You might need to do some hard work to find those and I hope you find one. That’s the real treasure of life one can ever have Or you just write your dark secret somewhere no one is reachable. But Dark Secret exists!