We all humans seek validation. Isn’t it? When we dress up, when we do over-exceptionally good and many more things in everyday’s life We ask to know their views or to validate your decision. It’s a human mind and isolation isn’t our thing. But seeking validation for everything you do or decide for yourself? How far this can affect your mental health or you’ll be the person who’ld always seek someone to stand by you for your decisions. There shouldn’t be NO coming that way and it’s all about YES. Is it really possible? Imagining a life where you just feel happy all the time because there is someone you know, keeps validating your decisions and shuns you when it goes against you.
Coming to my childhood I was the most rebellious one. It’s not that I did everything against my parents or society. Or bullying someone, using harsh words. No, it never happened and can never be. But I never waited for validations for those things I made for myself. Just like having the shortest hair till 18 years of age. Choosing a school of your type, studies, marriage etc. I wore whatever I wanted to and I must say that my parents had never drawn those lines to limit us and act accordingly. We had the freedom to think and to act. Maybe this is the reason and as a parent, I never seek anyone’s validation for everything I do. This freedom doesn’t mean you live in an extremist way but living up to your own will. Out of judgements!
Parenting is hard and now I see how it shapes a human being for a lifetime. The fear you instil at an early age might settle for the lifetime and you can never win over it. In this competitive world where social media plays an active role and every second, each person seeking validation from strangers where do we stand? Do our children need to fight more to prove their own identity? Or they keep oscillating between things they never created but already sinking into it. It becomes our duty to educate them rather restrict them to reach out and find out how to tackle these situations.
It was a few months back when my younger one decided to have short hair. A typical boy-cut with no fancies around. She has always felt that all these pins and headbands are restricting her freedom. So, I got her one. She was quite happy until evening when her friends showed some kind of dissent to her style. It was my turn then and I told her that I had a typical boy cut till the age of 18 irrespective of anything. And I had no regret of making it short.
I asked her, “Do you feel comfortable with your haircut?”
Then, I asked her does it really matter what others think when this is totally your area of making a decision and not theirs?
And then I asked her if she really needs validation for everything she does for herself without harming anyone around or breaking that social ethics of respect and harmony?
She said No and understood what I’m asking her to do.
It was the last day when she cribbed about her haircut and never complained to me about such social norms of acceptance. I wish this continues for her lifetime.
Also, when we expect grown-ups to behave this way we should also let this seep in childhood. You just cannot turn on or off your personality instantly. It’s a slow process and the human mind has its own way to decipher it. Making choices for self shouldn’t be a matter of concern for others. It should be taught as well!
And I’m sure you don’t need to depend on others for your happiness!
It totally depends on you!