Parenting

Its Quite Natural-When Your Mother-Mode Is Off

I wish I could buy some patience, even at the higher prices! Ten years of parenting and am asking for patience. Isn’t it contradictory?

I confess, being a mother, you really need to be a patient. A hell lot of patience to hear them, to bear them and to make them understand. If you are stressed, short-tempered, you cannot connect with the child. They need attention-it doesn’t matter if its short term or long term. They have a developing brain and ours is almost developed. In fact, the entire wiring is different.

Over the years, I am learning to be more patient each passing day. I practice techniques to be more mindful in my behaviour. But at times I fail as a short-tempered mother. And the moment you tag any mother with this adjective, guilt is an added advantage. So, what you do? Do you try reverse counting? Or watch Baba Ramdev’s videos on how to control anger? To soothe your nerves?

One thing is for sure, a mother cannot use the word hate for her children. Never! All her life through, she is the one who always feels connected to them, whatever may be the circumstances. She knows how to shower love; a long list is not required.

Even I feel so, but sometimes I get out of control. Out of my patience and I yell at my children. I avoid these situations often. After all, a mom is also a human. How many emotions can she control? Yes, she always tries to be a much calmer person. But how? It’s not always possible.

It happens many times when I see half-eaten lunch boxes, Homework not done, Food is left untouched on the dining table. How can I control myself? I know how much I toil myself to give the best, even not best there is a hard work behind every task. Till now there is no provision to hire fairies. I wish I could one…alas!

But then when I shout at them for 5 minutes, I lose all my energy. They hear it like a punchy speech and I juggle between mother mode and a human mode. One is the epitome of patience and the latter is natural.

You hear only one voice in those 5 minutes, then after bombarding them with a heavy dose of words, I take a break, resorting back to them with a sorry. I know & accept, I am wrong whenever I shout at them. They are still away from anger management course & can’t imagine the plight of their mother in Chandee avatar.

After a few minutes of war, there comes a meltdown period.  I feel guilty, guilty of not communicating and reacting without knowing the actual reason. So, we start our meeting-Let’s communicate and they both look at my face. Suddenly chandee to Bharat Mata types?

I am like this…call it a mother mode, which keeps changing every day. But when I say sorry, they try to understand what I want to convey. And a promise which is mostly temporary. They again the cycle from Chandee to Bharat Mata continues.

Sometimes, I take a gig, how your life takes a U-turn once you become a mother. Your mother mode won’t lets you yell and a feel of guilt can’t set you free. You revolve around things which are so menial, then I think, Was I right?

Introspection is another key which is always on with me. I need it…To improve, to learn and to connect with them. Else how will I work on the generation gap?

It was last week when I had an argument with my kids (one-sided) followed by a cool conversation(as usual). And this time I advised only one thing-Be HAPPY and make it your priority. You should know what things give you happiness, what makes you sad and what makes you angry. You no need to explain things about your choices but live by them. Enjoy your every moment, we don’t expect you to turn our exceptionally good scholar but just a loving and compassionate person. And I am there with you..always…to help you, to guide you and to hear you. Find happiness in every moment and live by them. You can get angry, you can cry, and you can absolutely rebel sometimes. You should know what is best for you and how you need to work on that.

Let not get this generation gap to come within us and I don’t want this anger management course for myself in near future. I hope things will work out better and they can be spared with my mood swings.

 

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