Being A Woman, Social Stigma

Dear Woman-Please Adjust Little More!

Marriages are big once-in-a-lifetime events in India. People spend their hard earned money lavishly just to make a marriage successful and memorable. In reality, I have seen many people spending out of their pockets just to satisfy others.

The actual struggle starts from the very next day when the new bride enters the new phase of her life. I would say looking from a distance and actually staying with your new family might give you different experiences. Once you start to stay with another family, then only you get to know their strength and weaknesses.

Shikha was one of those. She got married to a man her mom had chosen. She had lost her father long back and she knew her mom had struggled a lot while raising her. She was happy that she got married to a guy being chosen by her mom. Everything went off well!

The guy was a mechanical engineer, settled in Hyderabad. Shikha was a good scholar from a famous business school. She decided to relocate with her husband to Hyderabad.  Apparently, she tried her best to go back to work but couldn’t find a good option. Finally, she chose to be at home until a good offer dropped by.

Everything was smooth in the first year. They even bought a new flat in Hyderabad. Time was flying and soon she had realized that her husband actually doesn’t bother much about her. If she was busy in the household work, there was no help. If she wanted to spend some time with him, he was found busy with his own friends. He was one of those who had always preferred to spend night outs in pubs and bars. And it was killing her day by day!

He used to fight with her frequently on petty issues. Often he used to bargain with her for monthly expenses just to spend the same money in pubs and bars. She was completely stressed out. But with whom could she share her story? She did not want to put stress on her mother, who was getting old and feeble.

Things were getting worse day by day but she was dragging her life with the hope that things will work out soon. After five years of marriage, they were blessed with a baby girl. She thought maybe things would work out better. But no such thing happened!

She was overburdened with all the work along with the baby. The guy was least bothered for his family. Or I could say that she was a victim of silent domestic violence. When you force yourself onto someone mentally and emotionally like her husband.

He never raised his hand on her but he did beat up his daughter a few times to vent out his anger.

She was in a dilemma! What to do? Eight years of marriage and so much of mental torture. What to say, whom to tell – there was no one around on whose shoulder she could cry her heart out. Calling her Mom and telling her about the situation could be a shock for her.

A very difficult situation!


I think this is a common situation when a daughter doesn’t want to share her sorrows with her parents. Just to keep them happy. She tries her best to make her family life happy with less interference.

Despite her education, she remains confused. She is still struggling hard to get out of this situation. There is no end to such stories and how will they? What about those parents who don’t want to support their daughters? The societal pressure? or a lifelong scar which they don’t want to get into?

I personally feel (as a woman, and not as an expert), it might sometimes be good to handle the situation on your own, but when you are sure things are not falling into the right place, please don’t hesitate to share your sorrows with your parents and well wishers. Don’t think how they will feel or react. They also want their children to be happy at the end. What is the use of dragging those marriages when there is no respect, love and honesty for the life partner?

How can someone think about a happy life in the near future when every second is hell for them?

I know it’s a very difficult task for every victim of domestic violence – mentally or emotionally, but one needs to stand against it. There is no other way out. Others can help you only when you yourself take a stand and fight it out. I have seen many domestic violence cases when every night the husband beats his wife for no reason and the wife bears the torture. She bears it in silence – maybe for her children or for her parents. Or she really needs to adjust more with everything?

I am not questioning them, but I heart sinks, especially when we talk of women’s liberation and witness the violence of this sort in every third or fourth house. A victim of domestic violence who doesn’t utter a single word and chooses to keep mum .

Not for herself but so as not to hurt others.


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