It’s almost a decade when I delivered my first child. The climax of unendurable labor pains for prolonged hours, I waited a long to see the baby’s first sight. But when the moment arrived I was not in a condition to hold, completely drained out. The joyous moment when you become a mother was not an easy transition for me. Only I know how much pain I had to suffer for the much- awaited lifetime event.
Another thing, it was not the era of social media connect where I could ask few mums about their experience. For me, the only survival was Doctor and her stupendous advice. Whatever she had told, we agreed happily. Before, I had an impression that delivering a child is an easy task. After all, its natural process to birth a baby which is happening for years. I am not new, Kinda cool types!!
Later, I realised, the reality was different, much challenging than what I expected. I felt the first storm in labor room, and that was the first moment I decided never to have another baby. High-intensity labor pains and I had no choice of any sort but to bear them gracefully. For doctors, the more contractions, the better it is. Indeed, the medical team was much happy to see me in that condition, which was obvious like any other delivery case. But not the same with me. I was in another world. The moment when you cry your heart out and there is no one to hear you. The moment when you want to come out of that pain, but the doctor assures you, bear a little more. And when you want a quick-fix to the situation but can never! I am sure, only a mom can imagine this!!
As we all know, time can heal everything and with the passing years, I forgot my labor pains too. The sweet and loving memories I made with the first child is still fresh with me. Whenever I flip those old pictures to see her tiny and cute, I feel happy and joyous. Though I was never against having as many as children in the family or contended with the single child. Its all about your personal choice. After two years, we decided to have another and just a matter of chance the younger one born on the same day with exactly 3 years apart.
They are 10 and 7 years now, time is flying! I am sure the only mother can imagine these growing years. How they grow so fast out of your lap. Now I have reached the point when I am not much needed in their routine task, they are quite independent to manage themselves. Yes, I am always there to help them, to guide them and to tell them that you both are forever friends/BFF for life. We as a parent, might not be with them all the time; but they both as a sibling should give shoulders to each other whenever in need. This is what I feel!
As a mom of two kids, mostly, I am more like a referee rather than a mother. Their fights are never-ending! How much I try to resolve their issues, there is always one more to work with.
And the myriad reasons which are inevitable:
She took an extra pencil than me
Mom, you love her more than me! You cook food of her choice
You are the one who only sleeps with mum? What about me? I am much older to you. Huh
She is pulling my hair
She is not sharing the chocolate with me
Phew!! Now I realize how my mother was much patient in managing 3 children and how I am losing my cool with only two. But is this the only aspect we see as siblings? Never-ending fights, a stress to mom, and an array of unlimited chores which you never can get over!
No, at all!! There is much brighter and loving side and I can just delve deep into it…. every day, every moment.
It happened last week when both my kids were playing down in the park, as they do all day and have been doing for the last many years. I used to accompany them initially and then I left them to manage their own with some basic guidelines. After all, I cannot be with them everywhere and I really need them to let go!
So, after an hour, both kids knocked on the door and the younger one was crying. There was a blood oozing out from her lips and she was in pain. I saw and reacted very normally. I asked what happened? My elder one who was assisting her told she fell from the slide and injured herself. I made her lie down, gave her basic first aid and applied an ice wrapped in a soft cloth to soothe her pain and bleeding. She felt better and for few seconds I moved to another room to get some ointment.
But when I came back to her, it was the different scene altogether. I was replaced by my elder child and she treated her the same way I was doing. Healing her, applying a cold compressed to ease her pain, checking if she got hurt somewhere else? Honestly, if you ask me, I felt like I was right in bringing another one and crossed my finger to see them like this throughout in their life. After few minutes my elder one ran down and brought all the things which my younger one had left.
For me, it was the moment when I felt how much they fight on each minute but when they need each other, they are there for each other without question. I feel this bond is all about love and care alike we expect in all relationships. A relationship which is non-judgmental and pure in all forms. Just like a mother’s love for her children…just pure and protecting them from evil in all circumstances.
Also, It’s not about the elder child who should take care of the younger one but its mutual. You can never compare the affection they reflect in each way. I am a mother and the things which matter to me are trust, love and compassion. I don’t expect them to impress me by going out of the way or by bringing expensive gifts on Mother’s Day or on my birthday. I just want to let them be and enjoy every moment they spend with each other!
Life with two kids starts is surely a roller-coaster ride and how you are always at loggerhead, whom to attend first?
How to make a balance between contradictory personalities?
Or How to make them understand that you are our heart which cannot be made into two!