And at this point of time when I am at the threshold of touching 40 years of my life, I am finding it much different from earlier. With an average life of 70 years, I have already crossed more than 50% (even its more than enough). I heard people saying 40 is new 20 and to some extent it’s true. 20 is a life of innovation and a freedom to do what you love. A phase when you explore yourself, you fall in love with you in every single day and you don’t bother much about social expectations. So what should I expect on my 39th Birthday?
For me, I still remember my life two decades back and there was the time when I started missing that. I wished if I could capture those as my Facebook memories which keep popping every year. But there is always a time for new, a change which might bring another love into your life.
While being closer to 40(next year) I can sense the same. Children are little grown up and the basic parenting duties are on the verge. I no more use baby products and little far away from the anxiety or a mother. I sleep more compared to anyone in the house. I enjoy solitude like never and I am falling in love with me again!
Now, I take my own time to dress up, in the washroom, and wherever I go. Life and rooms are little systemized, and I don’t often clean them. The OCD era is over now. I realised kids can manage their work to some extent. I leave them sometimes on their own mercy if I am not able to convince them. The generation gap has already taken its seat.
As I said, I belong to the older era now. At this age, I am trying to find out new girl who got lost between. I am not in a competition with anyone and not at war. I feel happy when I see others happy.
I am making peace with myself to all extent. I don’t want to carry bitter memories, I have forgotten all. Trying to be in a present and enjoying my sanity. Now I work as per my capacity. It’s been a long time since I had left going out of the way. I stopped judging people, after all, I don’t know the reality behind. Most of the times, what you see is not what it is.
Solitude and enjoying my own company with books is an all-time high. I stopped complaining, replaced it with healthy conversation. Am more grateful to God for everything I have and no regrets for which I don’t have. Am just making peace with myself to be more satisfied with what I am blessed with. One lesson I learnt in these years, “You cannot be happy if you are not happy within”. Other things might give you a little twist but not at large.
I am still a mother, responsible for my duties. The love and care and the extra attention they need … sometimes. In these modern times, they know much better than me but it’s my duty to navigate them and let them understand the reality of life. Little hard, little bumpy, a mixed bag of joy and sorrows which are inevitable. But am simply loving it. For all the hard work I did, it pays at some time and I think 40 is the right age when you know more about yourself. You know what you are and how you can discover yourself. You love yourself more than ever. You care for yourself more like never and you give more than expected. It’s a life cycle and I am just entering it hoping the next half to be more peaceful.