Random Thoughts

Valentine’s Day and A Married life!

Once again the festival of roses and extraordinary romantic gifts are here. Yes- The most controversial- Valentines Day! Our market is inundated with numerous options from Red roses till diamonds, depends how much your pocket can afford. Every nook and corner is decked up with heart shape hangings showering abundant love, a way to express your feeling. The only colour you see – the colour of love- RED.

Not to mention, the unwanted chaddi gang who has always geared up themselves for the unexpected adventure on streets. After all, the most controversial “Valentine’s day’ is just here. Look at the advertisements and the sale around. Or it seems to be the only way to express your love, either by buying the diamonds or whatever suits your budget! Well, to some extent you can even afford to burn a hole in your pocket to have the best impression ever. Doesn’t matter, you can surely do it for the love of your life. No?

But what’s so special about this one day of love? Is it equally exciting for the married people like me? Or only dating couples can feel that extra warmth? I have no answer at this moment. Maybe I am little old fashioned or from the old school. But falling in love on this particular day? How fair is it?

There is no science behind falling in love. You can fall in love with anyone, with anything at any age or any point of time. Albeit this is not a Valentine’s Day gyaan or I want to disdain this lovely occasion by getting didactic of any sort. Still, I don’t support any anti-love squad. My simple mantra is “Live and let the other live“!

It was more than two decades back when the Valentine’s Day bell rang in my ears. That was the age when you are expected to celebrate this by showing your emotins or hiding it somewhere to the corner of your heart. I was no exception! A magic of your age, love and the feel-good factor can anytime take away your sleep and peace of mind. Falling in love, the very first time is always ecstatic and the most impactful event. A period which you never want to pass and you want the clock to cease.

During my entire school life of 12 years, I was one of the least wanted girls because of my tomboyish looks. Short hair, love for jeans, sports shoes, and no accessories- so boring; and obviously why would someone fall in love with similar looks? Being dusky was another hindrance to a beautiful appearance. I was like that disqualified participant who cannot even take part in the race of love? But I loved watching my friends who were busy in changing their boyfriends every year!

I never envied and had always loved them as my best friends and why they are still on my calling list even after 30 years. Similarly, they never advised me to change my looks and behave like a girl. Life went smooth till I entered college for my graduation. I landed up in one of the dream colleges. During the early months, I felt like an alien amidst the fancy crowd. How I never carried a comb in my bag and now the competition to carry an entire makeup started vexing me. I started experimenting with my looks. Long hairs, curls, layers… you name them and I donned them. But I never fell in love with anyone or vice versa.

Three years pass by and the Valentine’s Day was still dry with no flowers! Of course, 21 years was not the age to leave your expectations or to find love. I was hopeful that one day I will surely get my dream man. That was the time when my elder sister got married and many relationships entered my life. Out of many, one was my sister’s brother-in-law who was single, tall, and handsome! Though we never had any similar interests to discuss, but never had I avoided him.

We kept meeting with our family get-togethers and sometimes for shopping. But I was sure that he is not my kind of dream man. Or another way, I myself was not sure what kind of person I was looking for? Till then, it was more than three years of friendship with fewer disputes. But it never struck that he can be my life partner. I knew I was special to him, but our friendship never allowed us to move on another commitment. A commitment to life partners!

I was 24 years+ by then, and hadn’t celebrated Valentine Day once! But as I said there is no theory behind falling in love. Finally, the feeling and inclination of falling in love entered my heart. I was oscillating between my heart and mind. Then came the moment when I questioned myself, “What kind of person I am looking for? No one is a perfect ten, neither am I. Then how is he wrong when it comes to commitment to life? What kind of insecurities do I have?

The unlimited war of thoughts and finally my heart won! I found him as my best friend who was always there to help in my difficult situation without judging me. Can’t best friends become partners? They can and that was the best thing happened to me. At times, it sounds weird and when you look for a well-settled boy I moved ahead with the most unsuitable boy. And the day came when I asked him, ”At least give me 4 roses on Valentine’s Day” and I got exactly 4 roses… no less and no more. Phew!!

It’s not necessary that every person who loves you can express the love in the same manner as you expect. Certainly, there are ways to share your feeling and warmth. I knew he is not the one who will keep giving me surprises like the other lot and I accepted it.

It has been close to 13 years of marriage and my dream to celebrate Valentine’s Day in the most picturesque style is still alive. Maybe someday… Ha! I know this is a different dream out of my project. But what I enjoyed in all these years is beyond that one-day celebration.

All those moments when we took our time and spoke to each other; when we were there in our good and bad times without expecting too much and without getting judgmental to each other. The transparency and the trust we developed as partners and now as parents.

I wonder how these 13 years have gone and we are now a family of four weaving new dreams and reliving our old times with our next generation.

For me, love is not about competition, it’s about complementing each other,

It’s not about how you look, but how you feel about the other.

It’s not about expensive gifts, but the little care you show each time.

Love has no boundaries and no age to express.

You just need to feel it in everything you do for each other. Love is effervescent and there is no definition to express and define it! And when you love, you just love!!

After all, you are connected with your hearts you don’t need any big day to be together.



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