Disclaimer: My kids have grown up now. They are soon turning 13 years and 10 years.
For the past year, I feel so good. Like, I’m free again. Back in my college life where there are no restrictions of any sort. Loves to dress up, shopping and any other task which I had left showing interest in. The decade has been demanding. Pulling out my personal space and pushing me to another level of demands. The ever-demanding motherhood!
In my entire life, there is one thing that is always demanding. Something which keeps you on your toes and you can never get away at any point of time. Of course, it’s Motherhood. Seems to be a rosy world. And this is how its been picturised on social media. And everyone knows and accepts that the real challenges are much different than what you see in fascinating pictures.
But at this stage, I’m much relieved and feels so good that I’m done with the initial level of parenting that lasted for ten years. Whenever I see or meet new moms I can sense their struggle. How they crave for those 5 minutes of peace which they seldom get. Having a cup of tea becomes a luxury. Spending time in a washroom is a hush-hush affair. But the people around think that this is normal in motherhood. I mean, they had seen mothers looking after their children. What’s new in this? And how can someone be stressed out with just mothering her own child or children?
Well, the reason is entirely different than what you think. This isn’t about hiring help or technologies which has made our work easier but motherhood is quite a demanding job. You run over things for your baby and in this race, you lose your mental peace and existence of the self. I had a bad phase too. In today’s world when nuclear families manage their own responsibilities with finesse, managing children equally becomes tough. You cant manage 30 minutes of a day without any interference. I’m not saying that a mother has to sacrifice everything for her children or shouldn’t hire help but this also required management and the mental load adds up with it. Sometimes you just need people to hear you who can share your mental load and gives you a sense of feeling that yes, this is what we all go through and this shall pass soon.
The motherhood stress is for real and it doesn’t go like Postpartum depression. It takes time. May be years together of how long you are holding on things. For me, it took 8 years to(approximately) to learn how to let go of things and making my children more sensitive towards everything around them. Assuming that a mother is someone who is always there to help you but its important to make them realise how to be self-sufficient. Helping themselves and owing up to their duties and responsibilities. If they won’t own up few things now then I’m not sure if they would not like to own up things in future ( Relative approach ) Not only that, another reason I find for unnecessary stress is perfection. A common syndrome to get everything perfect or getting closer to it.
At this age, I realised that was unnecessary pressure I had put on myself. Certainly, you don’t need everything perfect. This is just another way of losing your sanity. Having said that, a mother doesn’t need to know about everything. Not a messiah types. After all, we are humans too and we have all the right to fail, at times. The guilt factor adds another level of mental stress. Every parent and especially mothers want their children to do best in their lives, supporting the best and helping them best but we often forget that they will always find their own way. The initial level of parenting is tough and always demanding but as a mom one should know how much is needed at that time. Overindulgent will ultimately ruin your inner peace and you might see you overstressed.
Do ask for help and don’t get into unnecessary demands. Things will fall back better after a period of time. And you will again rise as YOU!